BREAKING NEWS: In what can only be described as a “slow-motion thriller,” officers in Sunnyvale, California, were caught in a low-speed pursuit yesterday… with a runaway mobility scooter topping out at 4 miles per hour.

Eyewitnesses report the suspect, identified as local retiree Harold “Turbo” Jenkins, refused to pull over, allegedly shouting, “You’ll never catch me, coppers!” while snacking on a half-eaten donut.

The Chase (If You Can Call It That…)

According to Officer Brady, the pursuit lasted approximately 47 minutes, mostly circling the same parking lot outside of a Bingo & Bagels event.

Tactical maneuvers included:

• Spike strips: Ineffective. Scooter tires too soft.

• Verbal warnings: Harold responded with, “Speak up, sonny, I can’t hear ya!”

• Luring with snacks: He grabbed the donut but kept driving.

How It Ended:

The chase finally came to a dramatic conclusion when Harold ran out of battery and was gently nudged by a police bicycle unit. No injuries were reported—except for a bruised ego.

Harold Speaks Out:

In an exclusive statement, Harold told Giggle Globe News:

“I wasn’t fleeing… I was just test-driving my “Scoot-N-Go 3000” for the big race this weekend. Besides, they were the ones chasing me!”

Buddy’s Hot Take:

“Honestly, I respect Harold’s commitment. The man outran a police car on 4 wheels… and 4 miles per hour. That’s some next-level patience!”

Buddy’s Laugh-O-Meter™ Rating:

5/5 Rubber Chickens for sheer dedication.

What do YOU think? Was Harold a criminal mastermind… or just late for Bingo? Share your thoughts with Buddy at buddy@giggleglobenews.com!

— Giggle Globe News – Keeping the World Weird (and Funny!)