Local Man Goes Digging for Pirate Treasure, Strikes “Wormy” Gold 🪱🏴‍☠️

The Backyard Buzz 🤔🕵️

They say “X” marks the spot—so Alton “Shovelhands” Muldoon, 58, decided that “X” must be right behind his garage. With a metal detector older than flip phones 📞💾 blaring a half-hearted beep… beep…, he set forth on a quest for pirate riches. Neighbors claim they heard him blasting the Indiana Jones theme music 🎶 every time his detector pinged, complete with a victory jig that was basically half jazz-hands, half disco moves.

The Dig That Went Squish 💦🕳️

After about six hours—aka the length of two extended-edition Lord of the Rings movies—Muldoon’s haul was not gold coins or rare gems, but a sprawling, squirming circus of worms… 99 varieties, according to his unofficial count.

“I swear, I found one with stripes, another that’s bright purple—no joke!” Muldoon said while brandishing a particularly lively specimen 🪱.

Sacramento State’s ecology department took notice, half-excited and half-baffled.

“We can neither confirm nor deny his worm numbers,” quipped Dr. “Dig-It” 🙄, the bug-eyed biology professor. “But hey, compost is the real treasure, folks.”

Neighborly Shenanigans 🏡🍿

Word spread faster than you can say “Worm Bingo”—which, by the way, was exactly what onlookers started playing. Some neighbors brought lawn chairs and popcorn 🍿 to witness the Great Worm Hunt firsthand. They snapped pictures, placed wagers (in snack currency, obviously), and offered Muldoon “pirate tips” like “Dig near the rose bushes next—no one suspects the roses!”

“I was hoping for at least a rusted Spanish coin,” one neighbor sighed. “All I got was worm facts—and a new appreciation for topsoil.”

Buddy’s Take 😂🙌

“I’m not sure what’s more entertaining: the idea of pirates leaving a chest in a suburban yard or the fact that we just found the city’s largest worm rave. When’s the next show, and do they serve snacks? I’m in!” 🪱🎉

Parting Like a Pirate 🏴‍☠️🏆

Despite the lack of glittery loot, Muldoon remains optimistic. He’s already eyeing that big, gnarled oak tree in the front yard: “It’s got spooky vibes, and everyone knows treasure hunts need spooky vibes,” he explained. Meanwhile, we at Giggle Globe are just waiting for the day he busts out a full Jack Sparrow costume to go with that metal detector.

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to watch Left Shark do the worm 🦈💃—because if that’s not art, we don’t know what is.

—Giggle Globe News Staff